Monday, July 6, 2009

About me and mi familia!

Hi my name is Nicole and my other half is J.

We have been together now going on three years.
We have our ups and downs, just like any other couple.
But we work through everything.

J has a beautiful 3yr old daughter from a previous relationship
and I love her as if she were my own little girl.

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In October of 2007, we found out that we were expecting.
The exciment was short lived, as I began to spot at 5wks 3days.
We went to the ER and found out that I was in deed having a miscarriage.

One year and four months later, we found out that we were expecting again.
The nervousness of having another miscarriage was there. 
With this pregnancy I made it past the 5wks 3day mark.  I tried my hardest not to look at the calender.
Then we made it past the 12wks mark.  We were so, so happy.

We were half-way there (20 weeks) and everything was fine.  The only problem we had was that my cervix was short due to having a LEEP procedure back in 2006.  So a cerclage was inserted at 16wks.
We also found out that we were having a GIRL!!!!

At 22wks 2 days my membranes ruptured.
I was taking a vaginal medication (TMI).
We believe that the medication played a part in the PROM.
Before then, everything was fine.

My membranes ruptured on a Friday and I went to the ER.

I was sent to L&D.
A strip test for amniotic fluid was done, but came back negative. So of course I was sent home. I continued to leak, thinking it was the medication (as I was told this by all of the nurses).  But I knew in the back of my mind, that it was not the medication. How could the medication leak for this long?!

I went back to the ER on Saturday and was sent back up to L&D.
Another strip test was performed and this time it came back positive for amniotic fluid. A vaginal swab was taken and tested underneath the microscope.  Results: Negative for amniotic fluid.
I was sent home and told to follow up with my Ob office on Monday per the doctor on call from my Ob's office.

It took forever for Monday to arrive.
I almost didn't go in, but I did.
We had to know.
I had an ultrasound.
Deep in my mind, I wanted them to tell me that, this was a fluke and that everything was fine.
The technician performed the ultrasound and didn't say a word.

I waited for my doctor to come in the room.
She was flat out with me.
She told me that my membranes had ruptured and that our little girl barely had any fluid left.
She admitted me to the hospital.

As my doctor left out the room, I honestly did not know what to think.

Was this it?
Was I going to go into labor today or tomorrow?
What? I mean, what? What was next?
Then came the tears.

Joey didn't know what to say, all he did was hold me.
I didn't want to be held.
I was PISSED!!!!
I was mad with the world.
I was mad with the hospital!!!!!
How could these trained professional let me down.
Get my hopes up, that leaking clear fluid during pregnancy was normal, as crazy as it sounded.
How could the test all come back NEGATIVE!!!
Why did I have to wait to have an ultrasound at my Ob's office?

Even til this day. Thinking back on that day, my heart hurts for my little girl. She went through so much in my womb up until her delivery.

We drove to the hospital, which seemed like forever.
It was only a 5 minute drive from my Ob's office.
It seems as if it took forever to go through all of the paperwork.

I was like a waterfall.
A nurse handed me a washcloth.
I guess she knew tissue was not going to work.
My heart hurt, so, so bad.

What was to happen to my little girl?!?!
The little girl that I wanted so much!!
The little girl that I so waiting to hold for the first time!!!

Was this the end?!?
My mind was completely messed up.
J tried to comfort me, but to much was continuously going through my mind. As positive as I tried to be, the demons kept pulling me down.

We finally finished all of the paper and I was taken to my room.

I didn't know what to say.
Words wouldn't even come out of my mouth.
I was loosing my little girl.

Each day seemed to drag by.

But I was thankful, that I hadn't delivered my little girl.
Each day in the womb, meant better chances for her.

As Joey started to reassure me that everything was going to be ok, I started to reassure myself. I did everything that I was told to do, in order for my little girl to make it.

Everyday at the beginning of each shift, each nurse would check for her heartbeat. Sometimes it felt like it would take them forever to find it, but they ALWAYS found it.

I enjoyed listening to her heartbeat.
Then I would feel her kick and I knew it was her way of letting her mom know that she was ok.

Dr. Ware and her ultrasound tech came in to perform an ultrasound.
Our little girl measured ahead on everything.
Everything was perfect with her.
The only concern was her lungs.
Even though measuring ahead, we still wouldn't be sure of the outcome.

I was to drink nothing less than a gallon of water everyday and drink protein drinks. I believe doing this is what allowed Kali to last longer in the womb than thought.

How was it possible that I leaked fluids for over a week?

As the days went on, I became more positive and hopeful for my little girl. I just knew that she was going to be alright.


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