Sunday, August 8, 2010

Alot on the brain!!!!

So a lot is on my mind.
I'm not sure what to really think about this all.

When you want for something to happen or take place so badly, you have to try right?!

So this is the thing.  As must of you know if you've read previous blogs.  Joey does not get to see his little girl anymore.  Not Kali, but Anqi.  It's like the more and more I think about it, if Joey and I were to ever break up or go through whatever that would cause us not to be together.  I wouldn't take Kali away from him.  I couldn't do that.  That's her daddy.  If it was to where I didn't want to see him anymore, I would work something out with a family member or friend to where he could still get Kali and spend as much time with her as possible.  But I guess everyone isn't like that.

You can't make people do anything that they don't want to do.  But you would hope and pray that people would think about thinks and try to compromises.

Like right now we're in the process of trying to see if Michelle is going to let Joey start seeing Anqi again.  We really hope that she'll do it, but we're not in her brain.  She says that she doesn't want to go through all the drama over again and I feel her on that.  I don't do drama.  I don't have time for drama, especially when I'm trying to bring my little girl up in a positive and calm environment.  So I emailed her back and I'm just waiting for her to reply.

I tried to explain to her how hard it is for us not seeing Anqi and having her around.  It's really hard and it hurts.  To go from seeing a child everyday, to not seeing that child at all, is like whoa!!!!  It hasn't gotten any easier and I don't think that it ever will.  If we never to get to see her again, we'll always wonder how she is doing, what she looks like, everything.  I don't know what to think any more.  I've put a lot of time and energy into this and on one hand it feels like it's been all for nothing, but on the other hand it feels like something positive will come out of it.  But I just don't know.

It's hard for us to even talk about the whole situation, cause we JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!

I hope that we're able to see her again and help raise her like we did before.  Please pray for us.

Here are some pictures of us with her.

This is us getting ready to go into Kali's room.  She was sick, so everyone had to wear protective gear.

Here is Anqi and Joey. "Hotep!"
Anqi throwing her peace sign.

Anqi being able to touch Kali for the 1st time.
Anqi loved being around Kali and she was telling daddy, were to place his hand.
Anqi eating grapes. The nurses in the NICU spoiled her rotten when she came.
These are some of my favorite pictures from the NICU while Kali was there.  Just thought I would share them.  I really hope we get to see her again really soon.

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